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 Topaz looked him over for a moment, expression unreadable as she tried to decide if she wanted to be kind and leave him in his self-deprecation, or be an arsehole. She chose the latter. "I'm pretty sure everyone thinks they're not worth saving, or worth the trouble they cause other people. But other people are still going to save you anyway because they think you're worth it for whatever reason, and your opinion on the subject doesn't actually matter. So whatever you think of yourself... you're probably the only one." It was like having a glass of ice water tossed in his face, which had probably been the desired effect. Topaz appeared to be just as uncomfortable dealing with emotions as Marius was in expressing them. This might have seemed counterintuitive from an empath unless, like Marius, you had actually spoken to one for any length of time. His chuckle was awkward but genuine. He couldn't fault the direct approach. "Well. I am the only one who really knows me, eh? And you, too, I suppose." He folded his arms across his scarified chest and turned his amber eyes towards the tiles. "Be that as it may . . . less awkward for us both to pretend that's not so, I think." "Sure," Topaz agreed easily. "As long as I don't think you're going to try something stupid at any given moment. I have no issues with passing the problem on to someone who cares more about your well being than they do about not having these types of conversations." "Ah, then you're in luck, because Kyle has already appointed himself my chaperone in such matters. Though if the expulsion of his duties depends upon an assurance my judgement shall henceforth be sound and reasoned we may have a fundamental conflict of expectation." A thought occurred to him. Marius let his arms drop and thick brows knit. "Why'd you come here, anyway?" Topaz shrugged. "Like I said - I want to apologize for impaling you, and violating all your mental boundaries. It's a bit rude no matter what the situation calls for." Marius looked this way and that, as if checking to see whether he'd missed something. "Propriety? That's all?" She leaned against the wall behind her now, still looking at Marius even if he wouldn't meet her gaze, and considered her answer for a moment. She knew far too much about what was in his head. It was only fair, she supposed. "Magic and empathy are... psi powers in general are extremely morally grey just because they're so easy to abuse and use against people. When magic is used the wrong way, it can turn you into a monster. As far as I know, I'm the only person who uses both, together. I'm not self-centered enough to think I'm the only person in the entire world who's combined the two, but it's a lot less common than, say, traditional magic or earth magic or even chaos magic. Sometimes it feels like I'm making up the rules as I go. And if I'm the only one who knows the rules, I'm the only one who can police myself and make sure I don't cross a line. And part of that is making sure I never get too comfortable with the things I have to do, no matter how necessary they are. Stabbing you and invading your privacy to the deepest extent possible was necessary, but it's not something I ever want to repeat. And if I ever reach a point where I don't feel that way... then I know I have a problem." Emotional acuity had never numbered among Marius' strengths. He had, in fact, often been told it was a borderline deficit. But something in Topaz's tone told him that this was not information she parted with easily, and that realisation was almost startling. "Don't understand magic," Marius said, a little haltingly, "but lines you don't cross, that you hang onto, white-knuckled, even when the why stops making sense . . . especially when the why stops making sense, because the world is so often senseless . . . that I know." He curled the fingers of one hand, tracing a ring finger around the rima oris of one palm. "That I do know." "I thought you might." Topaz's tone was just a little softer now, almost unnoticeable. "But that's all I wanted to say. Try not to be too stupid. There are people who would care if something happened to you." |
